Grammar gripes of the month
Oct. 26th, 2011 05:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elderwittyHere's the thing. I love words. I love to push them and pull; stroke, throw, and play with them - until they mean exactly what I need them to. So it really jars me out of the moment when I'm reading and the wrong word is used. I sort of tense up for the rest of the story, waiting for the next word-shaped shoe to drop.
These are the three I've see most often lately. I wish I could go, author by author, and gently teach people the difference between what they meant and what they wrote. I don't seem to have the gentle touch (in writing, anyway) needed, so all I can do is post my frustration here and hope for the best.
reign in =/= control. This comes from the horse riding world. Rein - you know, like those things on a bridle. (See also "give free rein".)
discrete =/= on the down low. This is the one that inspired the homonym list. I'd be very discreet in my tutelage, I promise. :grin:
albeit =/= although. It is close, even if not precisely the same. I think that someone who knew how to use it correctly did, and then a bunch of people took it to mean 'although', and used it themselves not realizing it was a shade of meaning off.
That's it for now. I feel better.
These are the three I've see most often lately. I wish I could go, author by author, and gently teach people the difference between what they meant and what they wrote. I don't seem to have the gentle touch (in writing, anyway) needed, so all I can do is post my frustration here and hope for the best.
reign in =/= control. This comes from the horse riding world. Rein - you know, like those things on a bridle. (See also "give free rein".)
discrete =/= on the down low. This is the one that inspired the homonym list. I'd be very discreet in my tutelage, I promise. :grin:
albeit =/= although. It is close, even if not precisely the same. I think that someone who knew how to use it correctly did, and then a bunch of people took it to mean 'although', and used it themselves not realizing it was a shade of meaning off.
That's it for now. I feel better.
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Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-10-31 02:43 am (UTC)Chapter 5
Not only is it totally implausible that he would be able to sneak his near death wife out of the ICU but also being able to sneak her into what is probably one of the highest security military facilities in CONUS? Not going to happen.
While I can see Evan asking for Sam's help with Amy's situation, I cannot see him threatening her with an M-16 unless he was possessed by aliens. (Which I'm assuming for the duration of Chapters 5 & 6 he is not.) Also I'm pretty sure that the missing technologies would be noticed pretty quickly because of the security measures that are in place at the SGC.
Sam to me acted very OOC by not notifying anyone that there was a possible security breach when Lorne threatened her.
There is also the issue of how very difficult it would have been to move somebody in Amy's condition easily and safely from the ICU to the car to the SGC. It would have been nearly impossible for Evan to move her and also monitor her condition (ie-vital signs, breathing, etc) to make sure that she stayed alive for the duration of the trip (what would really be the point of breaking into the mountain if by the time he got her there she was already dead?)
Also Caroline would have probably required that more than just she and Sam be present for the use of the Goa'uld hand device because it would be very difficult for her alone to monitor Amy.
However I did appreciate the bit with him sitting at her bedside as he is a very loyal person and wouldn't want to leave her.
Chapter 6
The chapter opened with promise of a plausible wrap up that would be both satisfying and appropriate given the grave misconduct committed in the last chapter. Unfortunately it was unable to deliver that end.
The thing that rankled me the most about this chapter was twofold- the fact that despite breaking OPSEC in a most spectacular way Evan receives no more than a slap on the wrist, and Amy not only gets an NDA but a contract to Atlantis.
First off despite being a natural gene carrier which are in high demand for the city for having violated the OPSEC of the SGC (therefore quite possibly putting the nation, actually the WORLD in great danger) Evan still would receive more than just a slap on the wrist (in this case being stuck as Major for a while and whatnot). He more than likely would have received at the VERY least a letter of reprimand on his service file, if not a reduction in at least pay grade for a while. If not even being demoted back to Captain. All those things would allow him to stay in Atlantis while still receiving more substantial punishment for his very reckless actions.
Secondly While Amy MAY have been able to figure out that Sam had 'something to do with her healing' I don't think that would necessarily warrant her receiving an NDA for the program. Despite the fact that she had knowledge that she was indeed on a top secret military base surely there would have been ways they could have transported her out of there without her knowing where she was (they could have *gasp* LIED to her) maybe a back hall or a service elevator or something that didn't reveal their exact location?
While her program may prove useful in the long run I'm sure there is some kind of minimum training that is required to go to Atlantis (because it is a very emotionally, physically and mentally taxing environment and they would want to make sure that the people they send out there are more than capable of handling such stresses) and there is no way in the time alloted that Amy could have completed even half of that training (especially given her weakened physical state).
(continued)
Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-10-31 02:44 am (UTC)Also you may want to investigate finding a real beta. I can't help but notice you have been making more and more small mistakes. I know that you have been doing your own beta work (and you've been doing an overall good job) but more things seem to be falling through the cracks. Things that you wouldn't pick up on because you see what you think you wrote not what actually came out of your fingers (ie- of instead of off and such like that). Or if you don't want to try finding a beta maybe try reading your stuff backwards (starting at the end and working your way to the start to find mistakes).
(these were *slightly* edited to fit within the comment limitations that LJ puts on people ;))
Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-10-31 07:42 am (UTC)People say they want concrit, but I think the word they're looking for is adoration.
Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-10-31 03:35 pm (UTC)And it's not like I just called it crap and walked away. I pointed out things she could have done instead (the punishment thing) to make it more 'believable'. She sent me back this big email (that I have since deleted accidentally but would share if I hadn't) about "Wah! WAH! WAH! Why don't you like it! You were always so nice! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!" (Uhm...I didn't hate you until you sent me whiny email of whine)
Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-11-01 05:35 am (UTC)Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-11-01 05:01 pm (UTC)Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-11-01 06:35 pm (UTC)Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-11-01 06:39 pm (UTC)(also did you see the photos of me in the pink poofy dress on my LJ? :))
Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-11-01 07:02 pm (UTC)I have now. It is, indeed, very pink and poofy. You left out the sparkly, though. :D
It looks like you had a great time!
Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-11-01 07:05 pm (UTC)Totally had a blast. Was kind of funny as one of the ladies I ended up hanging out with was a sci fi nerd too.
Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-11-01 07:11 pm (UTC)We nerds are everywhere!
Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-11-01 07:14 pm (UTC)And yes we are, aren't we. There was also a Spock (who i totally Vulcan high-5'ed) and a Kirk (who I avoided because we ALL know his reputation) there as well. :)
Re: grammar gripes
Date: 2011-11-01 07:19 pm (UTC)Funny!