only intermittently obedient

squidgiepdx wrote: YES!!! We need to write more slashy crossovers. Can you imagine a VERY jealous McGarrett when Danno starts flirting with Lorne? ::grin::

and then this happened.



Title: Keeping a Hand In
Fandom: H50 & a smidge of SGA
Author: elderwitty
Pairing: Steve/Danny
Rating: G
Words: 464
Warnings: none
Story Summary: Danny flirts


Steve tries to convince himself there's no need to worry, that Danno is just an inveterate flirt. He flirts like he rants - early and often.

He flirts with Sue, the waitress at their usual breakfast diner. She thinks he's adorable and always brings him a free pomegranate juice smoothie. He unrepentantly smirks at Steve while he slurps the last few drops as loudly as any eight-year-old.

He flirts with Caroline, single mother of Aiden, in the dropoff lane at Sacred Hearts. Now Aiden and Grace have playdates after school when Danny's held up at Five-O.

He flirts with the produce guy at Steve's favorite organic market. He flirts with the fishmonger and the cheese guy. He caps it off by flirting with the couple in front of them in the checkout line. He manages to get them both laughing and looking at him winsomely through their eyelashes. Steve doesn't get how he can flirt with both halves of a couple and not have it end in a jealousy-fueled free-for-all. He starting to think it's a sort of superpower. Or maybe hypnosis.

He flirts with Jake, the butcher at the farmers market who sells 'the only pastrami outside New Jersey worth eating'. (Steve still hasn't determined why a butcher is selling pastrami, but he doesn't want to mess with Danny's chi, so he hasn't asked. Yet.) Jake seems to get more enjoyment from watching Danny scarf down his humungous sandwiches than the flirting, but you can't be too careful. Steve's keeping an eye on him.

He flirts with Mama Koo at Liliha Bakery in hopes of convincing her to add Boston Creme coco puffs to the menu. No joy so far, but she laughs and pinches his cheek like a chubby toddler every time he tries ... and a happy baker is always a good thing, especially if you love malasadas like Danno does.

He once flirted with Damon over in Payroll, or tried to. Damon is so cynical about humanity in general, and cops in particular, that he thought Danny was trying to get him to leave some deductions off or something. (Danny still hasn't figured out why he got the cold fish-eye on that one.)

So, yeah - this Lorne guy is good-looking. Okay, it is exciting that he apparently works in outer space. And while it is true that the nearly-permanent crick in Danny's neck might fade away if he traded down to this shorter military model - he would never leave Steve just because of that. Right?

Steve waves an distracted goodbye to the Colonel and picks up his pace toward the meeting room where Danno's laugh is ringing out.

~*~*~

Steve doesn't realize that everyone knows it's safe to flirt with Danny because he's so obviously taken with - and taken by - his gorgeous partner.

Updated with a Johnny D section!

Title: The Emperor's New Crime Lord
Fandom: H50
Authors: elderwitty
Pairing: none
Characters: Toast, Johnny D
Rating: Gen
Words: 291
Warnings: none
Story Summary: Toast and Johnny D, together

Toast

Toast keeps the spreadsheets on which ticky-tack item was stolen from what overdecorated boast of a house, so that the next time Five-0 catches Johnny D (a sad inevitability, since the doofus can not ignore a text from Kono no matter what obviously fake stripper moniker she uses. That girl is his sextual siren. She's got his short and curlies in her magical digits. She's the flower and he's Ferdinand.

He can suspect it's her. He can be told it's her. Hell, Toast can pull up surveillance video of Kono typing with a wicked smirk ... doesn't mean D's gonna stop himself going panting to the meeting; hoping against hope that this time it'll actually be Amber [or Tif'fanny, Mysti, or Pheobe {naughty librarian stripper, don't ask}], so jazzed at a ride in his ground-effected lovemobile that they won't protest Toast coming along and bringing his lollipop- er, ... Wow, that batch was strong) they'll have some leverage to work on Danny and his crazy boyfriend.

(And what's with Danny calling him Mavis now?)


Johnny

Oh my god, Kono's sexting skills. Who wouldn't trail around after her with a cartoon-style tongue dragging the ground? She's got quite the imagination. (Also, Johnny D might think it's just about worth getting caught if she's the one who books him. She smells good in the car on the way back to headquarters.)

Re: Pheobe
See, Johhny D. grew up on the James Bond movies, and got his first stirrings when the secretary lady took off her glasses, let down her hair and shook it out, turning from a nerd into a beautiful bird.

He's been looking for one of his own ever since. And with a stage name like "Pheobe", what else could she be?

.

Title: Island Hoppers
Fandom: H50
Authors: squidgiepdx and elderwitty
Pairing: Steve/Danny
Rating: PG-13
Words: 18,928
Warnings: Implied violence
Story Summary: AU where Danny is a commercial airline pilot and Steve is a ramper, working for Kamekona’s airline, Island Hoppers.
Notes: squidgiepdx: The idea for this came to me while I was sitting in a Q400 on the tarmac at SeaTac, waiting to go home. I saw a ramper and pilot exchange a look and thought, “That’s just like Steve and Danny.” And elderwitty is fabulous.
elderwitty: So, squidgiepdx told me this, and suddenly, there was a drug smuggling plot. Bam! And squidgiepdx is MORE fabu!

Follow the fake cut to the story on AO3!


.

squidgiepdx wrote me a story for my birthday! I AM EXCITE!!

What Do You Call a Twelvesome?

Go and read it - it's funny and awesome. Just like him!

In leupagus's journal, theonlytwin mentioned a desire for a Toast and Johnny D spin-off and bromance. I hit reply to '+1', but this happened instead.

Title: The Emperor's New Crime Lord
Author: elderwitty
Fandom: H50
Pairing: none
Rating: PG for allusion to drug use
Words: 174
Summary: Toast and Johnny D, together

Toast keeps the spreadsheets on which ticky-tack item was stolen from what overdecorated boast of a house, so that the next time Five-0 catches Johnny D (a sad inevitability, since the doofus can not ignore a text from Kono no matter what obviously fake stripper moniker she uses. That girl is his sextual siren. She's got his short and curlies in her magical digits. She's the flower and he's Ferdinand.

He can suspect it's her. He can be told it's her. Hell, Toast can pull up surveillance video of Kono typing with a wicked smirk ... doesn't mean D's gonna stop himself going panting to the meeting; hoping against hope that this time it'll actually be Amber [or Tif'fanny, Mysti, or Pheobe {naughty librarian stripper, don't ask}], so jazzed at a ride in his ground-effected lovemobile that they won't protest Toast coming along and bringing his lollipop- er, ... Wow, that batch was strong) they'll have some leverage to work on Danny and his crazy boyfriend.

(And what's with Danny calling him Mavis now?)

.

I wrote a little H50 snippet over on sheafrotherdon's journal, inspired by her insights on Steve McGarrett's major appliances.

Here 'tis. Let me know what you think.

Steve's Freezer

Danny'd scoped out the pantry, cupboards, frig and freezer thoroughly the first time he had to wait for Steve to finish his swim. More bored than hungry, he was surprised to find that even the great McGarrett resorted to frozen dinners - but hadn't let that keep him from snitching a Peppermint Patty. (That they were lean dinners was just the non-maraschino cherry on top of the carob-drizzled, lo-fat vanilla ice milk sundae.)

He saves the mockery for an opportune moment and one rolls up three days later. Another Steve screed about ties and the unimaginable damage being done to 5-0's reputation by a team member walking around wearing one. Danny snaps. He shoots back that anyone who 'dines' on 'lean' freezer 'cuisine' has no leg on which to advise anyone. And if, after all his rhetoric about fresh pineapple vs. the evil canned, he still has the gall to use OJ from frozen concentrate, then he can just deal with Danny's sartorial splendor and, furthermore, he should be thanking Danny for saving him from the fattening junk he's got in there (even if it is 70% less fat than -- some ... unspecified other thing), so Steve had better not even be thinking of looking for recompense ...

Danny's disappointment - when he realizes that Steve's aiming the puzzled ninja face at him and obviously has no clue what he's talking about - is beyond imagining.


On the bright side, now he doesn't have to replace those Patties.